Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Randomize
