I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
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