I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
