i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
