I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
