Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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