Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
