I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
