She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
You need Xanax blowdarts
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
