dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
It's never too late to be topless.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
