I looked at my own cervix.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
where are my eyebrows?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
