Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
