why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
