Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
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