Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
