the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
