She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
