She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
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