Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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