I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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