i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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