I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
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