I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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