I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
