if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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