dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
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