marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
