Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Randomize
