im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
