I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Randomize
