is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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