Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
