thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
third nipple confirmed
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
