Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
