The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
