Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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