And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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