Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize