i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
