We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
it was like eating out sand paper
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
No subtext here. People are naked.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
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