We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
