We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Randomize
