i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
