yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
