You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
