planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
ugly people sure do ruin things
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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