hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
