ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
