I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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