my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
