who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
