They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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