Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
