She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
