you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
