Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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