porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
