If i come over, it means nothing
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
