the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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