You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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