You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
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