Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Randomize
