She said her name was "party"
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
