Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I think my nap took me to another dimension
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
