please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize