Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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