I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
