Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
