people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
