so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
