i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
