He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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