I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
